To be, or not to be? That is the question.

Ok, so this post is kinda goofy, but here we go!

Last week I started a "30 Days Without Sugar" marathon with my mom. We decided to do this not only for weight-loss reasons, but just so we can get control of ourselves again and be healthier. We figured that sugar is like an addiction, and if you cut it out for a while, it will help you to be less addicted.
I was going pretty good the first few days, but Sunday night I was REALLY struggling. I mean, REALLY. My family had a tradition growing up of making a dessert on Sundays, usually some type of cookie. So of course, every time a Sunday rolls around I immediately start craving sugar. I was trying to look up all kinds of "healthy cookie" recipes online, only to be frustrated by the amazing pictures and knowing we don't have half the ingredients for the recipe. I told Ben, "this must be how a smoker feels when they're trying to quite... I feel so grouchy because I just want my cookies!" hahaha. So, I tried to eat some sugar free chocolate pudding... that just seemed to make it worse. I felt like I was eating watered down goodness. lol. Later Ben offered me some grapes he was feeding Jacob, and wouldn't you know it, that did the trick! I've known for years that if you eat fruit when you're craving sugar that'll take care of the craving. But I wanted cookies so badly that I didn't think it would help... but it did! Woohoo! So, I am proud to say that I MADE IT! :)
Yesterday I went to the store and bought some Splenda so I could make things that tasted like they have sugar in them. I also found SUGAR FREE chocolate chips! AND Splenda brown sugar blend. I was ecstatic! I could see myself then, making delicious, sugar-free cookies. So, at 9:30 last night, I started to make my sugar free cookies. I am a cookie dough fan, so while I was making them I decided to sample some cookie dough. It was sweet, it was good. At first I was so excited to have my cookie dough, but after a few bites with the chocolate chips and all, I started to feel kind of sick... it was way too sweet. Once the cookies came out of the oven I ate just two before feeling like I couldn't have anymore and I just wanted vegetables. So, as much as I wish I wouldn't have had that experience, I did. All day today I have just been craving fruits and vegetables. And it feels great! It's interesting (and exciting!) that it's been almost a week and I am already seeing big changes in myself. Even Splenda was too sweet!
Ben and I have been working so hard to eat less, and eat healthier! (In addition to exercise, of course) We are seeing some big improvements. We're losing weight, feeling more energetic, and we just feel better about ourselves! It's good to know that we're doing something that is good for us short-term AND in the long-run!. Here are some things we've been doing:

-Making sure we're getting enough fruits, vegetables, protein, and whole grains during the day.
-Drinking LOTS of water: before, after, and inbetween meals.
-Getting out each day (which has been interesting for me with our two little guys!) If I can't get out, I try to do Zumba on our Wii... which is, surprisingly, quite the work out.
-Eating less cheese, milk, and peanutbutter... because those are loaded with fat. Moderation!
-Eating less treats.
-Checking fat and sugar content.

We haven't been counting calories, I can't quite bring myself to do it yet... even though I want to try. But, what we have been doing, though little, has been making a huge difference! And we're excited about that!


On another note:
Today I found out that one of my old friends will be having TWINS. I am SO excited for her. Hearing about my friends being pregnant or having babies always makes me want to have another baby. But it's interesting to me that when I am pregnant, pretty much all I want is to not be pregnant anymore. I feel so sick, I have all kinds of body aches, I'm completely exhausted, and I have to eat every hour and a half to keep from throwing up. Naturally, I gain a lot of weight.... which I am now trying to work off. When I'm pregnant, I just keep thinking how great it will be to have my new little baby, and be skinny and feel great again. I imagine us sitting on a blanket under at tree, eating pb&j, and playing games, snuggling together, making food together, and doing all of those wonderful mom things. Then, when the baby is born, everything feels wonderful (other than healing from birth... lol). Until the sleep deprivation kicks in... then I'm overly emotional and feel like a horrible wife and mother for sleeping every time the baby sleeps, and for wishing there wasn't another diaper to change every time I turn around. lol. BUT, once the baby gets about 3 months old, things even out... sleep and eating patterns regulate, I get more energy, baby is smiling and laughing and life is GOOD again! Even now that I have two, I feel like I'm pretty well adjusted! Even though I'm still trying to figure out HOW to teach Jacob it's NOT okay to hit and lay on his baby brother...
Anyway, something really crazy happens at this point, I start thinking, "Aww... they grow up so fast. I love having babies so much. Maybe we should have another one. If I get pregnant now, then once this baby starts getting older and more independent, I can have another one!" This last week I caught myself doing this, and I stopped myself... Did I just forget the last 12 months of my life?!! Not to mention the less than ideal labor and delivery??? People always talk about Heavenly Father's gift to women being that they forget (to a degree) pregnancy and labor and that's how they end up being able to ave more. But after having Aaron (though my pregnancy really was better than it was with Jacob), I was SURE there was nothing that would make me forget! I was SO sure that I would be waiting at LEAST 3 years before even thinking about having another one! I felt like I had almost completely given up my dream of having 4 little ones under the age of 5 running around and playing and loving me, and fighting and putting them in time out and all the wonderful things like that. And yet, here I am again, thinking about how nice it would be to have a whole bunch of little kids forever. Am I crazy??? I think yes. And no, we're not pregnant. lol.
I talked to Ben about these crazy thoughts and feelings and he laughed. He loves me so much. It's great. Anyway, we both know it's very important to keep in mind my physical, emotional (and mental! lol) health. And I REALLY would like to get in better shape before getting pregnant again. I had a lot of pain with Aaron from having two pregnancies so close to each other (even though I worked out a lot in between). And I DO remember that... lol. Ideally, I would like to be in awesome shape, in the habit of eating really well, and exercising every day before I get pregnant again. It's attainable, but it's an ideal too. Another thing is, I remember feeling this way when Jacob was 3 months old, too... I decided it would be in our best interest for me not to get pregnant when he was only 3 months old. I felt kind of guilty and sad in a way, but I know that was the right decision at that time. Turns out, after a few months, I remember how great it is NOT being pregnant and being able to have fun with your husband and baby! So I'm wondering if that is what will happen again... lol.
So, what's the point? Well, I just wanted to vent, mostly... and see if anyone else ever feels that way?? lol. The truth is, it's a very personal decision for everyone, between them and the Lord. We'll just do our best and listen to the Spirit. If we feel like we're getting that nudge or something, we'll listen, of course. But in the mean time, no, I'm not pregnant nor do I plan to be in the near future. But yes, I do plan on having more children... no matter what I may tell you tomorrow. hehe.

Laura